The Perfect Buzz: An Analogy of Falling in Love

I was having a conversation recently about the sense of feeling "guarded" in relationships, and that feeling of not *quite* being able to fall in love the way it seemed we could when we're younger. I think we've all been there... you know, that feeling of being completely vulnerable to someone else. Like you're driving 160 mph and they have the steering wheel. That state of feeling totally, helplessly, intensely in love to the point that you can't see a world outside your partner. I'm sure many of us idealize these feelings and, in many ways, long for them back. However, we often forget how uncomfortable we were in this state of love. In many ways, being a victim to an emotion so strong that we lose all sense of rationale thought, completely unable to be self and situationally aware, is far from ideal. Thus begs the question, what is the ideal balance of being in love. When we say we want to be "head over heals" are we aspiring for that familiar "head over heals" we can relate to from our youth? Or is there a "head over heals 2.0" that, like a fine wine, has improved with age?

Upon thinking through these questions, it came to me that in many ways falling in love is like becoming intoxicated. Consider my following analogy I call, The Perfect Buzz.

The Perfect Buzz

The process of falling in love is very much like the process of becoming intoxicated in that there is a progression of feeling not enough to feeling too much. Think about the following:

Drink 1
You start to feel good but you know you could feel better. You are completely in control. Nothing to lose. Totally yourself.


Drink 2
Now you're starting to feel it more but you know you could probably feel a little more buzzed. You still feel in complete control.


Drink 3
The buzz is setting in, and you're starting to feel great. You're feeling happier, more energetic... ambitious


Drink 4...5
Ok, now you feel really good... you've reached a state of "perfect drunk" where you realize you're enough in control that you're not out of control, but buzzing to the point you feel in the moment and you're loving it. You think to yourself, I wish I could be this person all the time. I'm so cool, so funny, I look great AND you love everyone else around you. The world is a beautiful place. You are careless. A hangover is likely, but impact will be mild.

Drink 6
Sooo... you have maybe gone a bit too far... you start to lose control a little bit.. you start saying things you wouldn't usually say... you start being someone you're not. At this point a hangover is guaranteed with a moderate impact.

Drink 7
This is the point where you become one of "those". "Oh, poor dear, she's had too much" they say. Everyone around you sees you've lost control, they stop relating to you like you are a human being and see you more as a liability.They support you, get entertainment from you, but want to help you out of this state. You lose awareness of your body, and self. Rationale thought is non existant. Hangover is guaranteed, and it will be severe.

In translating this progression, it's apparent that there are many similarities to falling in love. Reflecting back on this feeling of being "guarded," this sensation is very similar, in fact, to the lesson of knowing when you've had too much to drink. Although it feels great at the time to "have too much" we often forget about who we really are at the time, and how, not so great it is that we become someone other than who we are. We are out of control in a state that is unsustainable, with no rationale thought but plenty volatile emotions. The hangover, the moment when our world crashes in around us, is always one of the worst.

Consequently, perhaps falling in love is about finding the perfect balance, or "learning our limits." In many ways, many of us may settle for that 1st or 2nd drink buzz simply because we can remain completely self-aware and in control. It's safe. If there is a fallout, damage will be minimal. The hurt is mendable, and these feelings we had are quite accessible in another partner. Others, may still shoot for that 6th of 7th drink intoxication, simply because they thrive on volatility and intensity of emotion. Many of us, however, can admit although the lead up is fun, the 7th drink hangover is not to be desired. Therefore, it makes sense we would aspire for the 5th drink ideal. That state of being totally in love where we feeling alive and inspired by the person that penetrates our life, yet feeling as though we are in-control enough to support and attend to ourselves and others. It's a fine balance, and for some of us it may be the 4th drink and for others maybe the 6th, but what's important is that we shoot for that "perfect buzz" and live it with every sense of our being. The one thing that differentiates love from the magic of the 5th drink, is that if we strike the perfect balance of love, this state IS sustainable.

So Goldilocks, what's your "just right" ?