It was late night in a local pub, we were the last ones in the bar, empty beer glasses around the table, and conversation was winding down following heavy political debate. Then, however, the topic of relationships came up. Some of us new, and some of us old friends, everyone "told their story" about the state of their heart.
Sadly, every single person (either in relationships or not) was in love with someone they were not with.
The first one, still longed for a relationship he had to leave because of timing. He now found himself in place where she'd moved on with someone else, and he could do nothing about it. He's currently in a relationship with someone else but unable to let go of the hope of this other woman.
Another, longed for the woman he dated only recently that, he claimed, was the first time he'd really been in love with. He too had to end things because of timing. Now in a place of regret, however, he emailed her to see if they could rekindle things, and was rejected. He has resorted to online dating, as a means to get over her. Sadly, his focus is still on her and he hasn't met anyone.
These stories are not one-offs like you might think. In fact, I would have to say that it's pretty common lately that people I know are either not in relationships and still in love with someone else, or people are in relationships but in love with someone else. The worst part is that most of them seem helpless to doing anything about it.
So, how does this manifest in relationships? In many ways it almost seems like many of us are consistently looking at someone other than the one who looks back at us.
As an example, a friend of mine started a relationship recently. They'd met and instantly hit it off. They started texting like crazy from the day the met. He was unreliable in his communication and time with her though, and it triggered her. "How come he doesn't see how great I am" she said... and the more we talked about it, it became apparent that he wasn't actually "seeing" her. He had no idea who she really was. Is it coincidence he just got out of a long term relationship lately?
If this is truly the state of affairs, it's sad really. When we are constantly looking at someone else do we feel like no one ever sees us? Not an easy head space to overcome. If this is the case, it seems to me that if we don't act on these feelings in one way or another we will all remain too busy looking away from one another, and in turn never truly see each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment